Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
