i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
