Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
