I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize