my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
