i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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