Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize