She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
