he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize