The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
