her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
