Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
