All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
