no more duck duck goose at the bar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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