Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
