Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
