see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
