Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
