just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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