Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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