Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize