Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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