Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
