i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
