Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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