His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
