I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
