she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
