I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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