There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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