Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
