What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would fuck him just for his dog
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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