he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize