fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
