you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
