if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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