i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
