omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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