Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
