Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize