Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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