I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
