are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize