i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
