went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
