omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
