Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
