I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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