You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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