I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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