i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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