it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
