just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
