Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
