How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize