Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
