My friends, they love my intelligence
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
