I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
