Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize