you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
