dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
