That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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