It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
