Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
