Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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