thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
