I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
