Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
