he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
