Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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